All posts by Steve A

A friend told me that she had been angling for a promotion at work.

She had been there 5 years, done good work and felt she was ready. When she had asked her supervisor about the possibility of a promotion she was told that there were no promotions – for anyone – due to budget reasons.

She left on a scheduled holiday and on her return found that a coworker had received a promotion. A promotion that seemingly did not exist a couple of weeks earlier.

Read more about how to talk to your employees when things are bad

Even when everything is fair and transparent, it is nerve-wracking when it comes time to find out who made the latest round of promotions. When we learn that we didn’t make it the disappointment can be painful.

Now imagine if it seems that your Boss has not been honest, fair or transparent … it is no surprise my friend felt rejected and taken advantage of.

It sucked.

What is my friend and you to do to manage the hurt feelings?

Read more about partnering with your boss

10 Key Tips To Handle Being Denied A Promotion

1. Keep asking questions. Don’t accept one sentence answer to why you were denied a promotion. They owe you an explanation, so be bold, respectful and ask questions straight up. It’s the only way you will get answers.
2. Don’t get emotional. When you get caught by surprise with bad news, it is hard not to get emotional. Keep your emotions in check and don’t make a public scene.
3. Find a private place. Take time to yourself after the rejection. The last thing you need is to return to behave like everything is normal. Find some privacy where you can let out all your emotions.
4. Talk to a trusted confidant. It helps to talk to someone you trust for guidance and to build your confidence back up. It’s easy to lose the big picture when you’re upset; you will need help to refocus and channel your emotions into your next move and something productive.
5. Analyze the last 6-12 months. Once your emotions have calmed down, analyze all the things that have happened over the last 6-12 months. Consider your performance, your accomplishments and failures, and be honest with yourself about your part in what led management to their decision.
6. Talk with your boss. Once you have cooled down, go to your boss and respectfully explain you’re disappointed and why, ask questions, and find out what you need to do to make the next round of promotions. You may not like the feedback, but if you don’t reach out, they can only assume you don’t have any concerns.
7. Think about your next moves. Rejection can be liberating. Start applying for new jobs, put together a plan for your next moves and get Plan B ready.
8. Put things in writing. Documentation is key, so track the meetings you’ve had with your boss and get a copy of your most recent review. If you are a victim of any workplace discrimination or constructive dismissal you will need as much documentation as possible.
9. Update your resume. Get your resume updated and start brushing up your interview skills.

Finally Move on.

It’s hard to be rejected, especially when we believe we’re right. But life doesn’t always work out the way we want, stand up for yourself and get your confidence back.

If your Boss’ and your organization’s values and transparency do not align with yours … maybe it is time to move on.

*Warning: This blog contains a non-graphic discussion of sexual violence*

FYI the post is 1,200 words and contains an invitation to a webinar on the subject

You may recall a series of posts and white-paper I published titled ‘How to Stop a Culture of Harassment Dead in Its Tracks.’

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Though the response was positive, I did get one response from one man whining and whinging that I missed the point because men are also harassed in the workplace.

Yes, that is true. But the advice in the white-paper is applicable in any workplace and any diverse workforce.

So, to that gentleman and other men who may be offended by the fact that women are more likely to find themselves in unsafe workplaces … stop reading now.

If you’re a man who wants to part of the solution, I have this to say:

“HEY BUDDY!

You are a man.

You likely have power over women by the sheer virtue of your gender & size.

If you are a man who is a boss, you most certainly have power over your employees regardless of gender.”

To that, and as a male boss, I would suggest that you are neither that handsome or that charming that a female employee smiling at you or being polite is equivalent to her giving permission to touch her inappropriately; or ask her for a date; and, it is most certainly is not permission to show her your penis.

For god’s sake, as I guy who served 22 years in the army and was surrounded by mostly male bodies, nobody wants to see that!

Men have their eyes opened to the open secrets of the prevalence of workplace sexual harassment and assault after high-profile cases including those of Patrick Brown, Jian Ghomeshi, Harvey Weinstein, and Louis C.K.

Those cases inspired #MeToo, but now men who thought they treated women as equals in the workplace are starting to wonder if they have overstepped — overtly or subtlety – in a way that would get them in a #MeToo post.

In fact, many are worried and frustrated about what to say and do so they don’t get in trouble. Some, to the point of abdicating their leadership roles by not being alone with or disciplining female staff, and cancelling work social events over their concerns.

“The Pence Rule?”

Some say they follow the “the Pence rule” or the “Billy Graham rule,” which says … do not eat alone with a woman who is not your wife and never attend an event without your wife if alcohol is served.

On this point, I would suggest that you…

“Grow up!

We are adults. Most of us are decent human beings.

If you must follow archaic rules to guide your morality, then you have another problem.”

The pendulum has swung

Yes, the pendulum has swung from a head-in-the-sand approach and victim blaming to lynch the bastard at the first sign of trouble.

Personally, I’m Okay with it.

If a man who has demonstrated a pattern of inappropriate behaviour happens to get squished by the swinging pendulum, so be it.

Nor I am buying the “All Men Are Too Dumb to Understand How to Treat Women at Work” lie some tell.

Eventually, we will find equilibrium and the middle ground on the issue.

Till then, I have a couple of thoughts on how to touch:

 – Handshakes are acceptable – DO NOT Double squeeze or hold hands to long

 – Saying someone looks nice today is probably Okay – DO NOT say she looks hot

 – A hug for a good friend or acquaintance is probably Okay – DO NOT Grind

 – DO NOT give a kiss in the workplace

 – When make eye-to-eye contact when talking – DO NOT make eye-to-breast contact

 – Ensure women don’t feel trapped – DO NOT block exit routes or stand over her

 – A gentle touch to the shoulder is probably Okay – DO NOT touch the small of the back

A couple of things to improve the climate for the women

 1. Read the room. If the person you are with reacts uncomfortably by your words or actions, STOP doing it.

 2. Ask before touching. Instead of grabbing Mary in a bear hug, try … ‘Hi Mary, it has been a long time … then stop! If she initiates a hug, see above.’

 3. Before you say something off base or touch someone inappropriately think about your wife, daughter, mother, or girlfriend. How would you feel if someone did what you are about to do to them? Does sounds right, fair or just.

I’ll leave the final word to Nicole Stamp. Nicole is a director, actor, and television host living in Toronto. (www.twitter.com/nicolestamp) In response to her male friends asking: How can I help?  She wrote an essay in response that was shared 70,000 times on Facebook and the commissioned by CNN

Here’s a summary of her essay, which describes concrete ways that men — in fact, people of any gender — can help improve the climate for the women around them.

 – Say: “That’s not cool” or “That’s not funny” Say it to other men who are saying disrespectful things to or about women.

 – Amplify women’s voices at work. If a woman’s contributions are being dismissed, interrupted or claimed by others, speak up. “That’s what Monique said.” “Hey, Zahra has a point.”

 – Be mindful of how you introduce women, particularly at work functions. Use a person’s full name and job title: “This is Professor Maya Campbell, our department head.”

 – Don’t use gendered or misogynist insults ‘like bitch or slut.’

 – Give extra space after dark. If a woman is walking alone at night or in a secluded area, recognize that she’s probably nervous. So, if you’re walking behind her, increase the distance between you or cross the street to pass her. It’s a small courtesy.

 – Don’t be dismissive or argumentative during conversations around types of oppression that you haven’t personally experience and never minimize their experiences as being “overly-sensitive.”

Nicole closes with this:

“So, when discomfort arises around these topics, the best response is to accept the feeling — and keep the discussion going.

Try not to change the subject, or make your own feelings the centre of the conversation.

Sincerely try to understand other groups’ experiences. Apologize for your mistakes. Be willing to change.

And above all, keep listening. It’s hard. It’s worthwhile.

Thank you for being decent. We see you.”

Everybody knows bad leadership can be costly.

It leads to turnover, workplace stress, and decreased cooperation, costing businesses billions yearly. But can leadership kill?

Many of us have attended keynotes or workshops that focus on plane crashes. We listen in on the final flight deck conversations between the chilling co-pilots and captains, which crash. Chilling, not just because you hear the crash, was avoidable.

In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell talks about cultural power-distance gaps and how they contribute to plane crashes and near-miss accidents. And as a frequent flyer, I am glad steps are being taken to reduce power differentials in the cockpit. They are focusing on precisely the right thing: leadership behaviour.

But what about cultures of leadership that kill in less apparent ways than a dramatic air crash?

I think you will find Dr. Greta G. Cummings of the University of Alberta’s YouTube presentation of interest, where she quantifies the impact of leaders of healthcare centres on patient mortality.

Astoundingly her study shows that poor leadership styles contribute to a 6% mortality rate in healthcare facilities.

That is, 6 out of 100 deaths are directly connected to ambiguous communication styles and expectations of the facility’s leadership.

Maybe the impact of unhealthy leadership in your organization is not as dire as to result in a death …

 But what is bad behaviour costing?

I was challenged by a regular reader of my blog.

She is a middle manager struggling with a large company where the executive team drives everything that goes on in the organization. 

Her question: how can I help my organization if I’m not the CEO? 

I have two answers for her and you. 

First, while you may not be the CEO, you influence your part of the organization. 

How To Lead Without Responsibility

By focusing on how to impact your department two things are going to happen: you’ll get a sense of accomplishment as you see progress, and your circle of influence will begin to grow as people will see what you’re doing and they may ask you to help them. 

Secondly, most great leaders appreciate and need someone to tell them the “truth” about what is going on within the organization and how they can be better leaders and managers. 

If you can find the courage to tell a leader what he or she needs to hear with humility and respect, you’ll be shocked at how often those leaders appreciate and even listen to your advice. 

Of course, it is entirely up to them whether they accept you say, but that’s not your problem.  And, in my experience, a good boss will rarely cause you any negative repercussions. 

Being Courageous

And even if there were to be a cost for speaking the truth, it is better knowing that now so you can think about finding work where leaders reward people for having the courage to make the organization better.

It couldn’t be said more simply than this Quora response:

Knowledge is knowing a desert path is 16 kilometres long.

Wisdom is building a lemonade stand at kilometre 6.

To run a healthy organization, a leader must place a higher premium on wisdom over knowledge.

It seems that we spend most of our time acquiring information and not enough time thinking about what to do with it.  

How do leaders gain wisdom?

First, stop spending so much time acquiring knowledge.

Leaders who are constantly consuming industry information and the latest trends can become distracted by what is new and shiny.  

Instead of searching for a magic bullet, the best leaders spend more time with their leadership team members:

1. Ensuring there is a clear and widely understood strategic vision;
2. Implementing plans to meet their objectives and ensure that the efficiencies and effectiveness achieved support delivery of the vision; and,
3. Monitoring and maintaining a laser-like focus on its strategic goals and objectives.

There is no argument for professional ignorance.   

But, there is an argument for knowing how to take the collective knowledge of the organization, apply the right amount of wisdom to put it to good use.

“Knowledge is understanding that a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”  

Leadership is not about being the smartest person in the room, or the smartest person in the company.

It is about not putting tomatoes in the fruit salad, leaving employees wondering “how could someone be so stupid?”

We have all had one of those days – lots on our plate – and your Boss show up at your door without a coffee for you and says “Sorry to interrupt how about those Blue Jays? Oh Yeah, one more thing. We need to add something to that Bloggins’ project.”

Let’s break that down:

“Sorry to interrupt.” – Translation: They aren’t even remotely sorry

“One more thing.” – Translation: A big add-on but DON’T go overtime and meeting all your other priorities.

“We need to add…” – Translation: “You need to do.”

The next time someone tries to put more work on your shoulders—when you’re already at max capacity—here’s how to respond to a:

Supervisor or Manager:

I can take this on, but I’d like to review something with you before I proceed.

Right now, my current priorities are: [list them in order].

Would you like this new assignment to be my top priority?

If so, that’s no problem, but it means that all my other projects will get completed slightly later.

I can create a timeline of when everything will be completed if that’s helpful to you.

Thanks!

Colleague:

I can help you with this. However, right now I am working on a different project that’s a top priority for my department.

I’m working on a deadline, and I need to stay focused and keep progressing.

I’ll be able to switch gears and attend to your request [at/on] [time / date].

Thank you for understanding!

Client:

Thanks for [writing / stopping by]. I can help you with this.

But first, let’s talk about the other items that I’m currently working on for you.

Right now, I’m working on: [list them in order].

If we add this new piece to the list, I’ll need to bill you for an additional [$$$].

It also means that the timeline we initially agreed upon will need to shift. [describe the new dates, timing, etc.]

Are you OK with the additional cost and new timeline?

If so, [tell me / write back to say]: “Greenlight! Go!”

Remember, whoever is making this “ridiculous and unreasonable” request is probably just as swamped and stressed out as you are or it could be a genuine crisis. In either case, these scripts might not be appropriate, so have some empathy and try to be compassionate.

No matter how colleagues choose to communicate with you (rudely, coldly, crazily), you can still be professional and polite when you respond.

Be patient. Stay cool. Speak firmly.