Reflections on Leadership: Lessons from the Back Porch of Life
As I stand at the cusp of 65, reflecting on decades of navigating leadership’s
complexities, a tapestry of experiences and insights unfolds before me. The journey has been one of continuous learning, often through challenges and sometimes through quiet epiphanies. Drawing from the wisdom shared by fellow leaders and my own hard-won lessons, I offer these reflections on what truly underpins effective leadership.
The Core of Connection: Authenticity, Empathy, and Trust
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is the value of authenticity and empathy. Early in my career, I, like many, struggled with the idea of “wearing my heart on my sleeve.” The advice to hide emotions seemed practical, but as I grew older, I realized that authentic leadership isn’t about hiding who you are; it’s about guiding it in a positive direction. Employees are more engaged and productive when they believe their boss is genuine and truly cares about them. This involves being authentic, asking for specific examples when providing feedback, and using open-ended questions to gain a deeper understanding of different perspectives, all while staying true to your values.
This authenticity naturally extends to love
and compassion in the workplace. It may sound unconventional, but as Herb Kelleher famously said, “A company is stronger if bound by love than by fear.” This doesn’t mean a lack of professionalism, but rather a deep-seated care for those you lead. It manifests in simple acts, such as remembering names, recognizing achievements, and protecting team members. Research supports this, showing that love inspires performance excellence and resilience, pulls teams together, and allows for overlooking minor offences, fostering a culture of generosity and understanding. The human need for belonging is powerful, and leaders who cultivate it unlock immense potential.
Ultimately, these elements foster trust. My military background taught me that trust is a strong force multiplier. When soldiers—or any team members—believe in their leaders’ integrity and skills, they are more likely to overcome significant challenges. Conversely, a lack of trust can harm an organization. It’s the foundation on which all other leadership behaviours are built.
The Bedrock of Progress: Accountability and Courage
Actual progress depends on accountability. It is the “glue that holds high-performing teams together,” yet it often remains the most challenging area for leaders to manage. The temptation to be popular or avoid confronting difficult situations, especially with high performers or close friends, can undermine team results and foster deep resentment among those who consistently perform at a high level.
To foster a culture of accountability, leaders must exemplify this behaviour by openly committing to holding one another accountable. It requires establishing clear guidelines through four critical questions.
- What behaviours/actions are acceptable on the team? This defines the standards.
- Where will these conversations happen? High-performing teams often address issues publicly to reinforce standards.
- When will we bring it up? Addressing issues promptly prevents them from festering.
- What manner/style should be used? Knowing how feedback will be delivered makes it easier to receive and act upon.
No one should be above accountability, and all team members should be encouraged to hold themselves and others responsible. This firm approach is an act of care, demonstrating that you value your team members enough to support their growth and the team’s success.
This underscores the importance of moral
courage, which is sometimes rarer than bravery in battle. I’ve learned that leadership requires the willingness to confront oneself, peers, and organizational issues with honesty and persistence. This means speaking up even when afraid, especially in the face of injustice or systemic problems. My own failure to act against racism still haunts me, serving as a stark reminder that silence is participation. Moral courage involves:
- Critically evaluating situations to determine if action is needed.
- Understanding your obligations and ethical principles at risk.
- Managing danger by exploring actions and considering consequences.
- Expressing concerns and acting with assertiveness and negotiation skills.
Leaders are defined by what they tolerate. It is crucial to regularly evaluate what you are permitting, whether it’s poor performance or behaviours that undermine culture, and to have the courage to address them.
Navigating the Journey: Growth, Change, and Performance
Leadership is a dynamic process, and over the years, I have observed the vital importance of navigating different organizational stages and challenges.
Onboarding new leaders is vital, as about 40% fail within the first 18 months. Success depends on getting an early start, managing the message effectively, setting a clear direction, building a strong team, and delivering results. New leaders must adapt to the culture, focus on what they can do for the team rather than just themselves, and clarify their core concept. It’s about earning credibility through actions, not just words, and creating communication that is both emotionally and logically compelling, as well as inspiring.
Leading through rapid growth presents
unique challenges: speed, shortsightedness, and the breakdown of people processes. To address these, leaders must ensure someone is focused on the future (the CEO’s role), someone is “watching the store” (business functions), someone is managing talent, and, importantly, someone is shaping the culture. Values should serve as the consistent reference point, not to be sacrificed for the sake of expediency.
When it comes to performance, the “poor performer” is a silent killer of productivity and morale. While “servant leadership” emphasizes giving employees every opportunity to improve, there comes a point when a “won’t do” issue requires decisive action. The Netflix model of quick, clear severance, though it may seem harsh, can save significant costs and prevent resentment within the team. It’s about doing what’s right for the entire organization, even if it involves making tough decisions.
Ultimately, managing vulnerability within a team is essential. Leaders often unintentionally hinder vulnerability by confusing support with efficiency (e.g., removing a struggling project), encouraging internal competition, or failing to set clear expectations. Proper support involves asking how you can help, rather than simply reassigning tasks. It’s about creating an environment where team members feel safe to admit mistakes, seek help, and share unconventional ideas without fear of judgment.
The Lifelong Pursuit: Self-Reflection and Continuous Learning
As I’ve reflected on my journey, one consistent theme has been the importance of self-reflection. Leaders are often expected to have all the answers, but the best leaders are those who continually ask questions, starting with themselves: “Why do I want to be a leader?” This introspection helps clarify values and motivations. It’s essential to recognize when you might be “preventing your own success” by micromanaging, clinging to the status quo, or trying to be the hero in every situation. Looking in the mirror and acknowledging your limitations is the first step towards growth.
The path to becoming an exceptional leader, such as Lieutenant General Arthur Currie, highlights the importance of integrity, hard work, personal responsibility, decisiveness, and a commitment to lifelong learning. None of us is born with all the answers, but by following these principles, we can achieve greatness in our own way.
Lastly
In a world that is becoming increasingly divided, combating the culture of contempt is crucial for effective leadership. Contempt—seeing those who disagree with us as not just wrong but worthless—is destructive. We should follow the “5 to 1 rule” (five positive comments for every critique), support people who aren’t present, and be prepared to apologize when we have shown contempt. Warm-heartedness, even during disagreements, fosters connection and teamwork.
At 65, the key lesson is that leadership is not
a final destination but an ongoing journey of growth. It requires courage, compassion, and a strong commitment to both people and purpose. It’s about leaving a legacy—not just of achievements, but of human well-being.
