Category Leading With Courage

Based on an article written by Melody Wilding, LMSW

When I speak to a group, I am surprised that one of the most recurring questions people ask is: ‘How can I speak confidently in meetings?’

Next Week? How to get people to speak up in meetings.

It usually comes up in raising issues derailing a project or impacting the organization’s health and culture.

Most people are very anxious about raising issues that they may feel are contentious—the idea of speaking in front of peers and bosses and being paralyzing to some.

Whenever it comes time to contribute, some people freeze, overthink their response, or end up rambling.

Afterward, people beat themselves up, feel like an imposter be less confident.

Sound familiar?

If so, you’re far from alone.

Read about running great meetings.

Speaking Up in Meetings

It’s not uncommon to be a high achiever and, at the same time, highly sensitive. This describes many of us who thinks and feels everything more intensely.

Everyday workplace situations might be moderately stressful to the average person can cause some to shut down, especially when overwhelmed. Thanks to your ability to process information more thoroughly, you bring many assets and talents to the table.

But it also means you are more susceptible to stress and emotional reactivity, mainly when it involves judgment or evaluation from others (like in a meeting or on a conference call).

Meetings can be harsh environments because:

• You want and feel you have to listen carefully to others’ ideas
• You prefer to observe and absorb what’s happening before offering an opinion
• You have a high sense of responsibility, so you show respect by deferring to the leaders at the table
• You tend to be more reserved, which mean more outgoing coworkers may dominate the discussion
• You are overwhelmed more quickly and may freeze under pressure
• You can think deeply and see all sides of a situation, which can lead to overthinking
• You are so empathetic that you worry about what other people think of you

6 Strategies to Speak Confidently in Meetings

Sitting frozen and fearful through yet another meeting is a terrible feeling. Take heart because it doesn’t need to be this way. It is entirely within your power to take control and ditch a habit of staying silent so you can get ahead.

Elevating your visibility at work is essential if you want your career to evolve and grow. You work hard and have great ideas to contribute—you should be making an impact and getting the recognition you deserve.

With a bit of practice from these tips, you’ll finally feel like the integral team member you’ve always been.

1. Banish Pre-Meeting Jitters

Your hands are shaky. Your stomach is doing somersaults. You suddenly start second-guessing every thought you have. These are common pre-meeting anxieties. It’s normal to experience anticipatory stress when you feel your intelligence or contributions are being evaluated.

Instead of doubting your jitters as a sign that you’re inadequate or otherwise not up to the task at hand, befriend your stress response, reframing it as a sign you’re ready for action and prepared to bring your best.

Ease Into It

It may be tempting to arrive right before a meeting starts to appear prompt or avoid awkward small talk. But if you feel rushed or short on time, this will only exacerbate the existing stress you already feel during meetings.

Instead, build in a buffer and plan to settle in before things get underway. Allow yourself to ease into the physical meeting space. If it’s a virtual teleconference, get comfortable with the webinar controls, your mic, and webcam ahead of time. As colleagues arrive, focus on making conversation with one or two people at a time.

This can help ease anxiety and make speaking up for the duration of the session seamless.

Commit To Speaking Early

Have you ever come to a meeting with ideas and planned what you want to say, then left realizing you said nothing the entire time? You are not alone, but staying quiet is doing yourself a disservice. It typically gets more challenging to enter the conversation as the meeting progresses. The longer you wait, the more your anxiety will build.

Growth often comes from discomfort, so push yourself to speak up early. Ask a question or offer an opinion on a new business proposal. Try to say something in the first 10 to 15 minutes of the session–whether to welcome attendees, present your main argument, ask a question or offer an opinion on a new business proposal.

Use Your Strengths When Speaking Up

You don’t have to be the loudest in the room. Even the soft-spoken can still make an impact by backing up coworkers’ comments with a simple “Great idea! I can see that working we” l.”

You can also focus on asking powerful questions. You are likely very observant, which gives you an edge when it comes to posing the kind of thought-provoking questions that haven’t crossed your colleagues’ minds quite yet.

Be The One To Take Action 

Did something come up in the meeting that could use more research? Commit to taking on something for the next meeting. It shows you have initiative and that you’re interested and invested in your organization.

This is an excellent example of employing a pre-commitment device, a habit formation technique you can use to nudge yourself towards desired behaviours, be more motivated and likely to follow through.

Challenge Your Beliefs About Contributing

Many people’s leadership instincts may be held back by the ‘Imposter’s Syndrome’ where subconscious insecurities can seep into our behaviour to this day when speaking up.

Growing up, what were you told about standing out? Were you given the message by your parents, teachers, and community that you could be whatever you wanted, or did you internalize concepts like: “People won’t like you if you try to stand out”?

Read what an employee might tell you. If they could.

Remember

Don’t be held back by real or imagined negative feedback.

Somebody hired you because you are intelligent, competent and qualified to do your job.

If they thought that, the least you could do is respect their opinion and speak up.

You have got a lot to offer.

Now it’s time to let everyone know it.

The most enduring leadership lesson I ever learned was a military adage that says:

“Your plan is only good until first contact with the enemy.

And the enemy’s job is to stop your.”

 In military training, friendly forces are called the ‘Blue Team,’ while enemy forces are considered the ‘Red Team.’

The Red Team’s job is to stop the Blue Team’s plan.

Read more about planning

Red Teaming

Recently a simulated battle took place at the U.S. Marine Corps training Centre at Twentynine Palms, California. The exercise involved 600 British Royal Marines acting like the ‘enemy’ force, or ‘Red Team’ against a much larger U.S. Marine Corps (USMC) unit preparing for deployment overseas.

The British press gloated that the Royal Marines trounced the USMC so severely during the exercise that US commanders asked for a pause to reset their plans.

I’ve been on the receiving end of a similar simulated defeat, and I was glad for it.

Glad?

Except for a few bruised egos, nobody was hurt. We learned important lessons. And plans were tested and improved. And we were better for the experience and more prepared for the day when we faced off against a real enemy.

This is the point of exercising and training: To test your plans and capabilities.

How about your plans?

Outside of the military, most organizations conduct their planning with a small group of executives. Or worse, planning is done by one person, the CEO.

One of the best ways to ensure your strategy or projects are successful is to test it by an objective team, a ‘Red Team,’ that sees it through clear and new eyes.

The red team evaluates a strategy, a presentation, or a business plan for weaknesses and checks that any unanswered questions are answered to improve the plan.

And give it the best chances of success.

if your presentation or strategy has serious problems, they should tell you that, “This is not making sense!”

Red teaming can be a very unsettling experience for some – but the goal of each member of the red team is to help improve the strategy, presentation, value proposition, business plan and chances of success.

Remember, to have success; you occasionally have to break a few eggs!

Here are some optimal guidelines for forming and running a red team review:

• Because of their experience, members of our red teams emulate the process and mindset of the stakeholders.
• Pick at least three people to serve on each team.
• They are knowledgeable in the company’s space.
• Team members must have no prior connection with the team that is presenting.
• They must be willing and able to commit the necessary time and attention to the process.
• Insist that members are given at least two days to read the materials in the presentation and do a bit of personal research.
• Team members must be committed to helping the team improve their chances of success.

Read about how to get results

Benefits of a Red Team Review

A Red Team Review is an independent test of the executive’s decision-making.  The results will provide you with guidance and direction on what must be done to improve your plan’s chances of success.

Angus Duffy served throughout WWII with honour, ferocity and courage. He returned home and continued to serve as a soldier, business leader, husband and family man.

Most would say he was a war hero, community hero, family hero, or all three. In my opinion, none of these was the most heroic thing he did in a long, unbelievable and history-making life.

The most heroic thing he did was a quiet, humble and dignified demonstration of moral courage.

Click here to read more about Moral Courage.

Post-WWII, Angus became the Commanding Officer (CO) of a storied infantry unit. As CO, he was entrusted with the symbols that embodied the Regiment’s ethos, history and culture: its Colours.

Historically, the Colours served as a rallying point for that unit’s soldiers in battle. Today they are a record of the proud and costly history of each Regiment, and they are protected as if made of gold.

When Angus was the CO, someone stole the Colours from the Regiment. There is a whole story behind this heinous crime, but suffice to say, it would be the equivalent of someone breaking into your home and violating your most personal family artifacts.

The CO is personally responsible for the Colours, but no thinking person blamed Angus for the theft, and this is where one of the most selfless, courageous acts that I have ever heard of took place. Angus took his regimental cap badge off of his beret because he took personal responsibility for losing the Colours.

Angus was never charged or accused of misconduct with the loss. To my knowledge, no one ever publicly blamed him for negligence, nor was ever a mark placed on his record regarding the matter. He took on the personal responsibility and public punishment for losing the Colours and never wavered from it.

The Regiment obtained replacement Colours, and Angus went to his grave, never putting his cap badge back on.

What have you done to take responsibility?

Have you resigned on the point of principle or refused to do something that did not align with your values?

Click here to read more about walking the talk.

You don’t have to wear a hair shirt for the rest of your life, but here are three actions you should do when taking responsibility:

1. Take personal responsibility

Colonel Duffy could have blamed many people for the theft and embarrassment to the Regiment over losing the Colours.

He didn’t. He said, “I am the Commanding Officer. As such I am personally responsible for the Colours, and I am responsible for their loss”.

2. Go public

Angus certainly went public.

He publicly demonstrated his responsibility by taking down the second most important thing in a soldier’s life, the emblem of his regimental family affiliation: His cap badge.

3. Be consistent with your values and brand

Holy Moly, was he consistent or what!

Until his death, Angus demonstrated his responsibility. His values and brand were on demonstration to everyone.

Do You Measure up?

Once you knew Colonel Duffy’s story, you would have followed him anywhere.

What wouldn’t you do for a leader who demonstrated that level of moral courage?

Once you understood his devotion to duty, you were not likely to fail the Regiment.

Are you leading your people by taking responsibility?

People Fear Change!

Just like they fear monsters under the bed …

or behind the closet door …

or what lurks down those cellar steps.

Why?

Two reasons:

1. We can’t see what’s there so our imagination fills in the blanks … As kids we imagined monsters, as adults we don’t like change so we imagine job loss, upset and disaster.

2. Like a horror movie we know that the first person to go down those stairs is going to get killed …Most of us have lived through a change management exercise they did not go well and we ended up worse off than when we started.

Watch the Vlog to see how we as leaders can take fear out of the equation and give our hopes and aspirations for organizational change the best chances for success.

Before you read the article below, I wanted to frame the post with this personal note:

Many know I served as an infantryman in the Canadian Army. Years ago, on a training exercise, we had soldiers from another unit attached to us, one of which was an Inuit from Nunavik (Northern Quebec).

His section commander seemed like a good soldier and appeared to be very good at his job, but to be clear, he was a terrible human being and a racist.

Why?

Several times I overheard him call the Inuit soldier a ‘Tundra N-Word.’

But I stepped back and didn’t say anything.

I out-ranked the commander by several grades, I was the senior person in every sense of the word, and quite frankly I was an equal participant in racism at work because I didn’t say anything.

I failed that young man and set a poor example for every other soldier who saw what was going on.

I put my head down and failed to lead with Moral Courage.

Now is not the time for you to put your head down.

Now is the time to approach issues like Black Lives Matter and Anti-Racism protest with humility and hard truths delivered kindly.

When you see systematic and blatant racism, find the moral courage to face and address it with Moral Courage.

How?

• • • Read the article on Moral Courage below.

• • • Share the survey with your full team.

• • • Be courageous and hold small group conversations about times when your people have seen times when your organization has not lived with Moral Courage when it comes to fairness and systemic racism.

• • • Now do the hardest thing you will ever do … shut up, sit there and listen.

• • • Then commit to improving.

Now is not the time to put your head down.

Take care, be well and be safe.

“Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence.  —  Ernest Hemingway (1899 – 1961), A Farewell to Arms

Most military training is the epitome, the living embodiment, of the first line of Hemingway’s quote. It is the underpinning of the regimental system: an undying fidelity to your Regiment, your colleagues and comrades. Add in great leadership, and this fidelity is what allows a body of soldiers to accomplish great things.

Why? Because anyone cold, wet, hungry or afraid may well be tempted to give up; because you are only letting yourself down. But, that same cold, wet and frightened person would rather a slow painful death than let down friends, colleagues and comrades.

But when something is going wrong, that fidelity can become a terrible hurdle to scale when you are standing up for your ethical beliefs. When you stand up, there are perceived or actual risks of stress, anxiety, isolation from colleagues, or threats to employment. This moral conflict can make you feel powerless to improper behaviour.

“You can live with pain. You can live with embarrassment. Remorse is an awful companion.” – Senator John McCain

Often organizational cultures and constraints make doing the right thing difficult or impossible. How are you, or your organization, doing at removing the barriers to morally courageous behaviour? Try this simple exercise: Rank your thoughts from 1 (lowest) to 5 (highest) for these questions:

• I/We encourage dialogue around ethical behaviour and actions every day.

1————-2————3————4————5

• My colleagues have the moral courage to take action when called on.

1————-2————3————4————5

• ‘Whistleblowing’ may be seen as the equivalent of being a ‘rat,’ a ‘tattle-tail’ or that you are letting down your friends & colleagues.

1————-2————3————4————5

• I/We face issues and problems face on every day.

1————-2————3————4————5

What would do to improve any one of those scores by 1 point?

How do you encourage moral courage in your actions and the actions of those around you? www.americannursetoday.com developed the mne­monic CODE to help to remember what steps to take when you face a moral dilemma:

C: Courage

The first step is to critically evaluate the situation to determine whether moral courage is needed to address it. Morally courageous people know how to use valid and objective information to determine whether a situation warrants further exploration.

O: Obligations to honour

When caught in a moral dilemma, you should self-impose a purposeful time-out for reflection to help determine what moral values and ethical principles are at risk or are being compromised. And to consider: What’s the right thing to do? What principles need to be expressed and defended in this situation?

D: Danger management

What do you need to do to manage your fear of being morally courageous? This step requires the use of cognitive approaches for emotional control and risk-aversion management. During this step, explore possible actions and consider adverse consequences associated with those actions. To avoid becoming overwhelmed when deciding how to act, focus on one or two critical values.

E: Expression

The “E” in CODE stands for expression and action through assertiveness and negotiation skills. Knowing one’s obligations and demonstrating specific behaviours can enable you to move past your fear and serve as an active patient advocate,

Three things you can do to supporting moral courage:

1. Share the CODE mnemonic with your peers and team,
2. Host a lunch & learn or use a staff meeting to talk through hypothetical situations,
3. Demonstrate Moral Courage in each of your actions. Click here to read more about Walking the Walk.

The fact that you are a leader will create complex moral and ethical dilemmas, and you will inevitably have to demonstrate moral courage.

As a leader, YOU are accountable for providing the best possible leadership – so you better get used to the fact that it is not always easy or fun.

John Wayne once said: “Courage is being scared to death—and saddling up anyway.”

Do you want to go deeper and learn more?  Contact me Steve@StevenArmstrong.ca, and we can begin the conversation.

Colonel George E. Renison was a WWII hero, Chairman of WH Smith Books and Chancellor of the University of Waterloo.

He led a life with a scope and breadth that reads like a historical novel.

I was lucky to have known him, shared a glass with him, dined with him, and had many a wonderful conversation with him.

I am not sure how the subject came up, but we once talked about what was known in his day as battle stress.

Now we understand it as PTSD.

He described a person’s ability to absorb trauma as courage and in this way:

At our birth, we are all given a pocket of courage in the form of money. Each of us gets a different amount, and it is given to us in different currencies. 

Some of us get a million dollars, but in one bill, and others get hundreds of dollars in nickels, dimes and quarters.  

As we go through life, we bump into traumas. Sometimes there are big, like combat, and others are smaller. But each ‘bump’ sends an invoice payable immediately.

At each trauma, we pay that charge from our pocket of courage.

None of us pay the same for what seems like the same trauma.

For some, what seems like a ‘lesser’ trauma extracts a considerable cost; other significant trauma costs a small fee.

Regardless, when a person is out of money to pay the trauma invoice, that’s it.

There is nothing left.

There is no refilling your pockets.

You are broke.

And you are broken.

You never know when someone’s ‘currency’ will run out.

You never know when they will have spent the last of their ‘money.’

You never know how they will react.

But they will react.

Some react by lashing out in anger.

Some react by becoming sullen.

They almost all call out for help.

Unfortunately, the call is silent or inappropriate – like angry rage.

Are you listening?

Have you thought about how you might help?

Read more about the importance of listening when someone is ready to talk.

Read more about using silence to get more out of those ‘challenging’ conversations.