Based on an article by Debbie Elison & reprinted from www.TableGroup.ca

Have you ever questioned the value of your one-on-one meetings?

Most of us dutifully hold them but rarely ask why.  

Many clients say, “It’s my direct report’s time with me.  I let them talk about whatever they want to get their job done.”

While it always sounds like a great idea, it has a downside.

Leaders spend as much as 30 hours monthly in one-on-ones, building relationships, helping people grow, and improving morale.  However, many one-on-one conversations undermine the team, fuel dysfunction, and lower morale and productivity.

The first time, I realized how damaging one-on-ones were at an offsite with a team reviewing an assessment of their team’s effectiveness, which indicated that the team was struggling with a commitment to decisions.  

As we unpacked the reasons for the issues, a phenomenon unfolded that no one had realized.

The leader had allowed scope creep into the one-on-ones.  Instead of talking about the development of the employee, which is the most productive use of a one-on-one, team members had broadened them to include other things that were important to get their jobs done, such as:

• • • Their opinions on important decisions.
    • Issues they were having with other team members.
    • Requests for direction and decisions on operational matters.

This scope creep resulted in individuals holding back in the team meetings and, instead, waiting for one-on-ones.  

Decisions were made in one-on-ones that should have been debated with the larger team.  Not surprisingly, the team hadn’t genuinely bought into the decisions made.

I have encountered this same phenomenon many times.  

Well-intended leaders try to do the right thing and end up causing more harm than good. 

Recently, I saw a leader believing he was doing the right thing by giving everyone attention and direction, only to realize that he was leaving most of the team out of critical conversations.  

Click the image to contact Steve & learn more

So, what can you do to improve your one-on-ones?

DO:

• • • Identify one or two opportunities for the employee’s growth during a specific period
    • Ask for examples of the employee exemplifying those behaviours since the last one-on-one
    • Discuss progress on operational deliverables
    • Coach them on how to talk with a person with whom they are having an issue
    • Ask what you or the organization can do better
    • Mix it up from time to time and ask more significant questions of each other about how you collectively can bring more value to the organization

DON’T:

• • • Change or cancel the meeting without providing an apparent reason
    • Change a direction or decision affecting the rest of the team
    • Be defensive about constructive feedback they give you

Review this checklist with your team so they can hold you accountable for these practices, but do not use this as a license to cancel your one-on-ones. 

He refocused them and has received accolades from his team.  

Do them right and watch your people flourish.

Based on a Harvard Business Review article

Last week I told you about my chance dog-walking encounter with a bright, intelligent HR Professional. We talked about dogs and podcasts and then leadership.

‘Why Are There So Many Bad Bosses?’ Freakonomics podcast

During our time together, she asked my opinion about choosing the best candidate for promotion to a leadership role from a pool of 4 candidates who seem to be more or less equally qualified.

I asked had her company had completed any psychometric testing (DISC, Meyers Briggs etc.)? If all things were equal between the candidates, they should consider empathy and compassion as the deciding factors.

Why Empathy and Compassion?

Empathy is an essential differentiator to good leadership.

The risk is that too much of it can weigh a leader down as they take the people’s difficulties onto themselves.

To manage the impact of the potential burden of empathy by balancing it with compassion. 

Empathy and Compassion: What’s the Difference?

Let’s start with some definitions. The words “empathy” and “compassion,” as well as “sympathy,” are often used interchangeably, and they all represent altruistic traits. But they don’t refer to the same experience.

It is helpful to consider that compassion is understanding what another is feeling and the willingness to alleviate suffering for another.

The following HBR graphic is an excellent representation of pity, sympathy, empathy and compassion:

When we experience pity, we have little willingness to act, and little understanding of another’s experience. We only feel sorry for someone.

When we experience sympathy, there is an increase in our willingness to help and our understanding of the other, and we begin to ‘feel’ for the other person.

When we feel empathy, we have an intimate, visceral understanding of the other person’s experience. We begin to feel with the person, but it does not necessarily help the other person, except for possibly making them feel less lonely in their experience.

Finally, when we have compassion, we understand what the other person is experiencing and are willing to act. Compassion occurs when we ask ourselves what we can do to support the suffering person.

Compassion is an intentional act, not simply an action based on emotion.

What about EQ? Click to read more.

Why Does This Matter?

Empathy often helps us do what’s right, but it sometimes motivates us to do what’s wrong.

As leaders, empathy may cloud our judgment, encourage bias, and make us less effective at making wise decisions. It should not be avoided entirely because a leader without empathy cannot make human connections.

The challenge for most leaders is that we tend to get trapped by our empathy, making us unable to shift to support the person who is suffering effectively.

Avoiding the Empathy Trap — and Leading with Compassion

Shifting away from empathy does not make you less human or less kind. Instead, it makes you better able to support people during difficult times.

Here are six key strategies for being empathetic while leading with compassion.

Take a mental and emotional step away.

To avoid getting caught in an empathetic trap, try to take a mental and emotional step away.

Step out of the emotional space to get a clearer perspective of the situation and the person. Often it is only perspective that you will be able to help.

You are not stepping away from the person; you are stepping away from the problem so you can help solve it.

Ask what they need.

When you ask the simple question “What do you need?” you give the person an opportunity to reflect on what may be needed.

This will better inform you about how you can help and allow the person to feel heard and step toward being helped.

Remember the power of non-action.

Leaders are good at getting stuff done. But when it comes to people, it is essential to remember that people do not need your solutions. They need your ear and your presence.

Read why silence is a HUGE power differential.

Coach the person so they can find their solution.

Leadership is not about solving problems; it is about growing and developing people, so they are empowered to solve their problems.

Coach them, mentor them and show them a pathway to finding their answers.

Practice self-care.

Show self-compassion by practicing authentic self-care.

There is a cost to managing our feelings to manage others better. So we must practice self-care: take breaks, sleep, eat well, cultivate meaningful relationships, and practice mindfulness.

As Leaders, we need to find ways of staying resilient, grounded, and in tune with ourselves.

When we show up in the workplace with empathy and compassion, people can trust us, lean on us and find comfort in our leadership.

A new Gallup analysis finds that 48% of America’s working population is actively job searching or watching for opportunities. The numbers are not as evident here in Canada, but I suspect it is similar and comparable.

Businesses face a staggeringly high quit rate — 3.6 million Americans resigned in May alone — and a record-high number of unfilled positions. And Gallup discovered that workers in all job categories, from customer-facing service roles to highly professional positions, are actively or passively job hunting at roughly the same rate.

Read more about the cost of bad hires.

Employees who are looking for a job or watching for opportunities

People call it the “Great Resignation,” and the Gallup data show that the highest quit rate is among disengaged workers.

Employee resignation and employee engagement

Unfortunately, most employees are disengaged. Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace: 2021 Report identified an employee engagement rate of 20% — 34% in the U.S. and Canada.

• Highly engaged teams are 14% to 18% more productive than low-engagement teams.
• Low engagement teams typically have turnover rates that are 18% to 43% higher than highly engaged teams.
• Replacing existing workers costs one-half to two times the employee’s annual salary.
• Gallup finds that it takes more than a 20% pay raise to lure most employees away from a manager who engages them and next to nothing to poach most disengaged workers.

It certainly seems that the “Great Resignation” is less an industry, role or pay issue than a workplace health & values issue.

Considering that most employees are disengaged, each new hire will likely join a disengaging team.

And that means they will probably leave in short order.

This is a self-defeating cycle, but it can be interrupted.

Interrupted the ‘Great Resignation’ by ‘Rehiring’ your employees.

After two years of the C-word (COVID), now is a great time to rehire your current employees and double down on onboarding new hires.

As leaders, we have a real opportunity to go to our employees and say, ‘Remember when you were first hired? Let’s go back and reinforce the culture and values that attracted you to us in the first place.’

In the case of existing employees, let’s re-onboard them. And I am not talking about the ‘stupid ergonomics/how to sit at your desk’ lecture. Or the ‘Read all of these policies and sign off on them before we tell you where the bathroom is’ session.

Our people are not morons.

They know that despite all of our protestations that we are a family, and our values are the highest in the industry if we focus on rules, policies and procedures, the family & values part is a lie.

They see that what gets oxygen and attention are the Organization’s actual values.

So tell great stories about how you and the Organization live your values.

Populus Group curates a series of culture-related questions and has each new hire call an existing employee each day.

The new hire asks the questions, and the current employee tells a story about their experiences.

Read about the three exercises you can do with your team that will build a healthy culture

Questions like:

• What causes conflict here, what does it look like, and how is it resolved?
• How does the company support me as a family member?
• How are decisions made when there’s disagreement and stakes are high?
• When and how do people like to give and receive feedback?
• Titles aside, who in the Organization has the power to get things done?

It’s time to be vulnerable and tell your existing team that we know we may have lost our way due to COVID. Or we may have done a poor job of onboarding you the first time.

But you want to do better, so we will rehire you.

And we are going to do it better!

In other words, reversing the Great Resignation requires fixing the Great Disengagement — and you and your leaders are critical.

This past summer, I was in Victoria, BC, for a few glorious warm sun, beautiful seas with family, and doing good business with great people.

I posted a silly picture of a minor tourist attraction, and to my surprise, I received a Fb message for a soldier of mine who became a good friend of the family who had recently been posted to the Naval Base there.

We quickly arranged an impromptu reunion over a coffee. It was an added bonus to see this guy after many years and to hear how successful he had become.

When we left the coffee shop, he asked me to see his new motorcycle, and while we admired this beautiful machine, he reached into the saddlebag and pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to me.

It was a copy of a letter of reference I had written for him in 1997.

1997!

Neither of us could remember exactly why I wrote it. And, for me, it was a small decent thing to do for a good person. But to be honest, it was one of the hundreds of letters and recommendations I have made for people throughout my career.

But he had carried that letter around with him for 24 years, so it was a big thing for him.

Recently I read an HBR article about Sheldon Yellen, CEO of BELFOR Holdings, who grew sales to more than $1.5 billion. BELFOR’s people jump into action after a flood, tornado, or fire damages or destroys property. It’s a tough, dirty, dangerous business. To express his appreciation, Yellen sends handwritten birthday cards to each employee every year—that’s 9,200 cards, plus additional anniversary cards, thank-you notes, and messages for a job well done, for a total of 12,000 or so handwritten notes per year.

Yellen once said that “Doing this has helped build a culture of compassion, family, and respect,” he said. Need evidence? When Yellen turned 60, he got an appropriate gift—more than 8,000 handwritten birthday cards from BELFOR employees, who wanted to show their appreciation for the CEO’s tradition.

Small gestures

Small gestures—references or recommendations, body language or handwritten messages—can send significant signals about who we are, what we care about, and why we do what we do.

The fantastic thing about a small gesture is that we have no idea the impact that it will have.

Like throwing a stone into a pond, the ripples go far, and we will likely never see what the impact that little rock will have.

I believe that my friend would have been successful without that letter as he has been, but what if I had blown him off that day? What if I had dismissed him because I was ‘to busy.’

What if Mr. Yellen drove hard every day to hit a financial target and didn’t take the time to write those notes?

We’ll never know, but even (maybe especially) in this age of digital disruption and creative destruction, never underestimate the power of a small gesture.

Don’t let technology or business overwhelm your humanity.

The cost is small, and the ROI is unfathomable and unimaginable.

Read About The 7 Simple Shifts – Your Checklist To Being A Better Leader

Cartoon Credit to Creator: Andrew Toos 

Have awkward silences become a rule of thumb in your meetings?

Are you frustrated that people seem to be sitting on their hands and not participating in important conversations?

Read more about why meetings are the linchpin of Organizational Health

We have all had that feeling of frustration when even the free coffee and snacks aren’t working to boost team participation.

‍If your team seems reluctant to share their thoughts and opinions, your team members may not be the problem—it is most likely you.

‍Silence usually means people are holding back, and it’s up to you to understand why.

‍It’s your responsibility as the leader to foster an open space for participants to feel motivated and comfortable to speak up. But how?

‍

Safety can get your team talking.

During World War Two, they said that ‘loose lips sink ships’ and, in our case, ‘tight lips’ sink meetings.

‍One of the top reasons your team isn’t participating is because they don’t feel comfortable doing so. It’s important to understand those reasons before seeking solutions.

‍Often employees are pressured to be on their “best” behaviour. They would do anything to avoid looking ignorant, incompetent, intrusive, and negative. This means they often don’t ask many questions, keep their head down, don’t admit mistakes, don’t offer new ideas, and shy away from critiquing the status quo.

They may fear that if their share their opinions, that information may result in other repercussions.

If your team is focused on managing these impressions and doesn’t feel encouraged to speak up or share their opinions on improving the team or workplace, you have a problem with your Organizational Health.

‍What Is Heck Is Organizational Health? 10 Questions Answered by Steve

Patrick Lencioni is the standard-bearer of Organizational Health and has observed that companies with a trusting, accountable and safe workplace perform better.

‍What is a trusting, accountable and safe workplace? It can be defined as “a belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes.”

Organizational Healthy workplaces, employees and managers are encouraged and are expected to speak up.

‍Organizational Health isn’t about lattes, gyms or quiet rooms. It’s about giving candid feedback, openly admitting mistakes, and learning from each other. Team Leaders who encourage a climate of open reflection and learning are the most productive and successful.

‍Improving meeting performance requires clarity of objective and healthy conflict.

 When an organization lacks clarity of objective or healthy conflict, team members hesitate to share uncomfortable information with those who hold power within the organization. Or worse, they only share what they believe the people with power want to hear.

‍Why won’t we share because of the amygdala? When the amygdala perceives a threat, you go into a fight-or-flight mode. This instinct was useful when sabre tooth tigers prowled the woods, but it’s not effective when you need to think strategically and collaborate with colleagues at work.

Your team can combat the brain’s defence mechanism by cultivating organizational health. Everyone is encouraged to share ideas, spot problems, take risks, and keep your team talking, engaged, and productive.

How?

‍Allow equal participation for all

6 Tips to Speak Confidently in Meetings (Even When You’re A Bit Scared)

Another common reason that may be keeping your meeting participants from speaking up is the structure of the meeting itself. Do your participants know that active participation is expected? Is one team member taking up most of the time by giving long-winded answers?

Try these strategies:

• • Establish expectations before a meeting starts to have everyone on the same page before the meeting gets off track.
  • Set time limits for each person to say their piece. This allows everyone to speak but gives equal weight to each person’s perspective.
  • Call on people reverse order of seniority to share their comments and thoughts without being swayed or silenced by more senior people on the team.

‍Democratize the meeting invites

So everyone feels comfortable participating in the meeting, allowing the team to decide who is invited collectively. Take a look at the invite list and really consider if anyone besides the team really needs to attend.

‍‍Incorporate introvert-friendly strategies

It feels natural to fall into a conversational rhythm whenever friends get together, with the talkers talking and the observers sitting back.

‍This is true with workplace teams, and it becomes tricky when one or two people dominate the meeting conversation. As a manager or facilitator, it’s important to make your meeting a fair playing ground for all types of people, especially the introverts in the room.

‍You can effectively encourage introvert meeting participation by utilizing timed discussions, anonymous voting, choosing the right time for the meeting, and open-ended answering exercises.

‍Increase your own vulnerability

3 Action To Not Kill Vulnerability On Your team

One way to establish trust is for the team leader to be vulnerable and admit their own mistakes and flaws. Demonstrate the behaviour you’d like your team members to display in the hopes that they follow your example. By sharing your mistakes and weaknesses with others, a relatable connection is created that leads to better conversations.

‍Make the meeting a routine.

Even if your last meeting was successful, but it was a long time, your team members will likely forget the conversational feeling of that meeting. Instead of one-time or infrequent meetings, make a point to meet with the team regularly to encourage ongoing learning, contribution, and improvement.

4 Actions To Ensure That Your Leadership Adheres To The ‘First Team’ Model

People Fear Change!

Just like they fear monsters under the bed …

or behind the closet door …

or what lurks down those cellar steps.

Why?

Two reasons:

1. We can’t see what’s there so our imagination fills in the blanks … As kids we imagined monsters, as adults we don’t like change so we imagine job loss, upset and disaster.

2. Like a horror movie we know that the first person to go down those stairs is going to get killed …Most of us have lived through a change management exercise they did not go well and we ended up worse off than when we started.

Watch the Vlog to see how we as leaders can take fear out of the equation and give our hopes and aspirations for organizational change the best chances for success.