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A few years back, I hired a person against the wishes of other people on my team. I was sure he had the right skills and experience and hiring the usual suspects hadn’t gotten the results I needed & wanted so maybe it was time to be disruptive.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure I liked him either. He wasn’t kind or diplomatic in his comments. He simply wasn’t likable.

I tried to focus on the content of what he was saying rather than the way he was saying it, and I coached others to do the same. I also invested time in helping him understand how he was coming across and coached him to alter his style. My attitude toward him never really changed but he slowly started to fit in and began achieving results.

What if you don’t like someone on your team?

Can you be a good & fair boss to someone you wouldn’t sit with if you had to share the last seat on a bus with?

The presumption is that your job would be easy if you liked everyone at work.

Life would be easy if cats slept with dogs and Mom’s kisses made boo-boos go away, but that’s not reality nor is it what’s best for you, your team, or your company.

You have to accept the fact that this person is not going to be your BFF.

The real test is: Are they doing good work? Are they achieving results?

The employees you gravitate toward are probably the ones you want to go for a beer with. You need people around you who can challenge you with new insights and help propel the group to be better.

Like the Boy who said the employer had no clothes people like these can ask the hard questions and, maybe, can stop you from doing something stupid.

Here’s how to get the most out of someone you don’t like:

1. Make it about You first – It’s important to learn how to handle your frustrations: Figure out why you are reacting the way you are by asking the following:

• Is the problem really with the individual?       Does the person remind you of the miserable old aunt or that first awful boss and now he or she can do nothing right.
• Do you see this person as a threat? If your direct report constantly interrupts you, you may react strongly.
• Are they a member of a group that I have a problem with? You need to be honest with yourself about any hidden biases you may have.

2. You have to put on a good face – Everyone wants their boss to like them. Whatever your feelings for your employee, he will be highly attuned to your attitude and will presume that any disapproval has to do with his performance. As the Boss, you are the adult in the room, and it’s up to you to be fair and respectful.

3. You have to seek out the positive – No one is 100% annoying. It’s easy to see the worst in people who bother you. A boss of mine once said that no one comes to work hoping to do a crappy job, so assume the best about how they can help your team.

4. You have to keep your bias out of the way – When someone irks you, you need to be especially vigilant about keeping your bias out of the evaluation by asking: “Am I using the same standards that I use for other people?”

5. Sorry to tell you this, but you have to spend more time with that guy – This might sound like the last thing you want to hear, but it might help to give yourself more exposure to the problem employee. Sometimes over time, if you work together, you may come to appreciate them.

Gary Vaynerchuk tells a story about when his ego got in the way of firing a bad hire. It was so bad that he fired the person on their first day. At least in Vaynerchuk’s mind, he fired the person on the first day, but it took Gary 4-months to do it.

Why? Because his ego got in the way, and he didn’t want to admit he made a mistake.

I did that, too. I made a terrible hire but was so committed to a course of action that I couldn’t get out of my way to do the right thing.

Read the story here.

A few years back, I hired a person on my team against other people’s wishes. I was sure he had the right skills and experience, and hiring the usual suspects hadn’t gotten the results I needed & wanted, so maybe it was time to be disruptive. I wasn’t sure I liked him either. He wasn’t kind or diplomatic in his comments. He wasn’t likable., He was a bully, and my not dealing with it caused harm to many people.

Big Mistake.

I used to have a propensity to hire only for talent. Until I realized that wasn’t helpful.

Another mistake.

Or I would hire people I liked. And I thought that was going well until I realized I had filled the room with many Me’s.

And that wasn’t helpful in the least.

But I have learned from my mistakes.

Three steps to making better hires?

Here is what you need to do.

Check your ego, and take time and space to consider the following questions:

1. Make a list of your best hires. Consider why these people were great hires. What did they have in common? What parts of the process were most valuable?

2. Consider what your organizational culture is, and then hire for fit.

3. And lastly, don’t be blinded by talent. Talent is shiny and exciting, but it is not enough. My worst hire was super talented, but he was an SOB.

Then, set up a conversation when you land on a preferred candidate or a short list of a couple of people.

Try to do it over lunch or breakfast.

Watch how that person interacts with the waitstaff, whether off-site or over a meal. As this will speak volumes about that person’s character.

Get your copy of the Hunger Humble & Smart Hiring guide here.

Then, when the time is right, say this:

“Hey. Let’s not waste your time here by telling me what is in your CV and your work history or regurgitating any of the answers you gave during the interview process.

But please tell me what questions I can answer for you about this job?”

Usually, this completely disarms the candidate because they were likely expecting another round of canned interview questions. And:

• It will demonstrate if they need to prepare to take on this role. If they had thought about it, they would have lots of questions.

• It will show if they have connected with you deeper than responding to a question.

• If they stumble around, it will show that they may not even know themselves as well as you need,

• And finally, it will show if they are curious. Curious about the role, about you and the risks of coming to work for you. And there are always risks in changing jobs.

And if they ask good, thoughtful and, hopefully, profound questions, these will tell you they will be a good hire.

99% of being a leader has everything to do with interpersonal relationships and social interactions.

And not every interaction is with someone you like.

Read more about working with that SOB in Accounting

The book Leadership and Self Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute is easy to read and written in the form of a fable.

The gist of the book is that conflict between people is based on our self-deception that we view others as either a help or hindrance and begin to feel we are more critical than others.

Whether it is a family member or that ‘idiot’ at work, this perception becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We inflate our self-worth while deflating the other person until we rationalize our behaviour by blaming the other person.

How does the book suggest how we can get past this self-deception?

1. Have empathy. Treat people like people. When you are in the box and are being self-deceptive, you treat others as objects, not as human beings.  

This doesn’t mean you don’t fire someone who isn’t right for a job; firing can be done by seeing the other person as an object or as a person among people.

2. Don’t let your expectations affect your view of someone’s actions. One way of being in the box is having a view of a person or the world and then fitting all the evidence to reinforce your view.  

Suppose you expect someone to be a particular way. In that case, you view their actions differently. “we subconsciously begin to ignore or dismiss anything that threatens our worldviews, since we surround ourselves with people and information that confirm what we already think.”

3. When you betray your sense of what you should do for another, you begin to see the world in a way that justifies your betrayal. And that leads to blaming others and viewing yourself as a victim.

For example, if you are sure that SOB is a jerk, everything that person does will begin to reinforce that perception, Even if he is doing the right thing.

4. Self-betrayal leads to self-deception. When you engage in self-deception, you are in the box. You exaggerate your virtues, inflate the faults of others, and emphasize factors that support your self-deception.  

 When you betray your core values, you explain the betrayal by deceiving yourself.  

5. Being in the box leads others to be in the box. By justifying your view of the world and acting and communicating accordingly, others will develop a view of you that causes them to be in the box. 

The leadership self-betrayal results when we don’t do what is right and justify that action or inaction to protect our egos. This leads to us shifting the blame onto others. We start to view others as activating or stumbling blocks – they help or hinder us.

This book’s message is that the problem often lies within ourselves, and only through self-awareness can we move forward.

I wish I had read this book in my twenties when I was starting my leadership journey … except I suspect I had deceived myself and was so self-absorbed that it would have been lost on me.

As is most good life advice. 

Do you have a “brilliant jerk” (or two) in your workplace? 

I teach a leadership class at my local University, and in a recent class, one student shared the story about a high-performing employee who was a jerk. That jerk created a toxic environment but was consistently the number one salesperson. She asked what she should do about the person when senior management focused on that person’s results but not the impact of her actions.

I advised the student to focus on the costs that jerk had on the organization; how many employees or customers did they lose because of this person’s actions? For example, if a new employee quits due to this person being a jerk, how much revenue was lost, and how much did it cost to replace that person?

If the jerk costs more than they earned, the decision becomes economical, not emotional.

Read what happened when I hired a jerk.

A High-performing Jerk is typically in a position of power and has awful toxic behaviours that negatively impact colleagues. Their harmful bullying behaviour “evades consequences” because they’re generally high performing in another metric.

Enough is enough; it’s time for workplace leaders to step up and stamp out these awful behaviours.

Pay Attention to the Brilliant Jerk

High-performing Jerks are bullies but do not have their behaviour dealt with because they may be high performing in another area.

Leaders need to take a more active role in stamping out toxic behaviours in the workplace by:

1. 1. not shrug off, laugh off or walk past anything that constitutes harassment in your workplace;
   2. speak up against harassment that occurs on your watch, and
   3. Investigate and, if substantiated, discipline and exit perpetrators of harassment regardless of their clients, relationships, public profile, revenue, technical skills, perceived brilliance or commercial value.

Ignore the Brilliant Jerk at Your Peril

When organizational leaders ignore or tolerate High-performing Jerks, they signal to employees and other stakeholders that they value profits over people. I shouldn’t have to point out the consequences; however, recent studies show that toxic workplace culture is ten times more likely to drive employee attrition than dissatisfaction with compensation.

“Enough is enough. It’s time companies considered the consequences of their actions. Toxic rock stars are the cancer of company culture. Leaving them in a position of power reveals what the company truly values: profits over people.” HBR

Failure to effectively deal with the High-performing Jerks has significant implications for medium to long-term company profitability (if you want to think about dollars rather than doing the right thing!) The cost of talent management (attrition replacement, talent sourcing costs, employee compensation) will skyrocket.

Do you have an unhealthy culture?

Leaders Must Take A Proactive Stance

Dealing with the High-performing Jerk after they have polluted your culture with their toxicity is a must. But how about we prevent it from getting to that stage in the first place?

Here is some food for thought. Ask yourself:

• • • Am I protecting an employee with toxic behaviours in my workplace?
    • Am I prioritizing some results over long-term positive, sustainable outcomes?
    • Do I reward harmful behaviour through my inaction or other ways?
    • Have I, in any way, contributed to a toxic workplace culture through my behaviours? (Particularly towards women)
    • Am I the reason that people don’t want to come to work anymore?
    • Am I the reason that our employee turnover rate is higher than ideal?

Here is what to do immediately.

• • • Publicly commit to creating and sustaining a workplace culture where everyone, irrespective of their identity, is respected, valued and can reach their potential.
    • Publicly commit to a Zero Tolerance policy (Brilliant Jerks are Not Welcome Here!)
    • Ensure there are robust procedures and practices for confidential reporting of brilliant jerk behaviours (workplace bullying, harassment and disrespect)
    • Ask people from all levels and all backgrounds, ‘Does your boss conform to what you believe are the values of this organization?’
    • Hold the leaders in your workplace accountable for [better] managing the brilliant jerks in your organization. And themselves!

And finally, do not underestimate the damage the High-performing Jerks have on your organization. Do not imagine that your organization is not affected.

Do not neglect your role as a workplace leader to protect your employees, including those who are already marginalized, predominantly Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island Women, Women of Colour, from the awful impact a brilliant jerk can have.

Stanley Milgram carried out one of the most famous psychology studies in 1963.[1] He focused on seeing how far people would go in obeying an instruction if it involved harming another person. 

40 Volunteers were introduced to an instructor in a lab coat, played by an actor, and another actor who was strapped into an electric chair.

The volunteers were told they were testing the person in the chair by having him to recall words from a list. Each time the person in the chair made a mistake the volunteer was instructed to administer an electric shock, increasing the level of shock each time a mistake was made from a slight shock to a life-threatening shock.

Two-thirds of volunteers administered increasing levels of electricity to a deadly 450 volts and everyone continued to at least 300 volts

Milgram concluded that ordinary people are likely to follow orders given by an authority figure, even to the extent of killing an innocent human being. 

Read more about moral courage

The experiment lives on in common culture as a damnation of our ability to inflict pain and acquiesce to authority.

The rest of the story:

Few are aware that the experiment had a variation where the volunteers witnessed other participants (also actors) refused to obey.

In the presence of others who disobeyed the authority figure the levels of obedience to inflict harm of the volunteers fell to 10%.

The point?

We all like to think we are strong enough to stop bad things happening when we see it.

But are we?

When was the last time you saw something wrong happening and didn’t say anything; didn’t refuse; didn’t set an example for others to find the courage to say no.

We all can be complicit, but leaders have the responsibility to set an example.

Be a leader, even when it is hard.

[1] http://www.simplypsychology.org/milgram.html